In Jim Collins’ book Good to Great the “Stockdale Paradox” which described the balance between realism and optimism.
Admiral James Stockdale was a prisoner of war for seven years at the infamous “Hanoi Hilton” or Vietnamese prison of war camp. In his book Collins’ interviewed Stockdale about who were the survivors and who overcame the difficult obstacles presented to the prisoners. Collins’ recorded the following conversation
“Who didn’t make it out?”
“Oh, that’s easy,” he said. “The optimists.”
“The optimists? I don’t understand,” I said, now completely confused, given what he’d said a hundred meters earlier.
“The optimists. Oh, they were the ones who said, ‘We’re going home by Christmas.’ Christmas would come, and Christmas would go. Then they’d say, ‘We’re going home by Easter.’ And Easter would come and Easter would go. And then Thanksgiving, and then it would be Christmas again. And they died of a broken heart.”
We want things to work out, we want things to succeed in our lives. Happiness and optimism along with some positive visualizations help us to maintain a positive attitude. Hundreds of motivational conference speakers make us feel good, promise us fantastic success, and it is a great “pep rally.” You leave feeling like David in front of the “goliaths” of the world.
Yes, positive visualization is important, but this positive visualization, pep talks and optimism must be confronted with regards to the totality of your situation. In life, disappointments abound, struggles that you have to overcome, events that you have no control over will be presented. This is the paradox. People who are the “half empty,” Murphy’s law types are kind of miserable to be around because they never see anything positive in anything. But being a “Polyanna,” meaning never seeing the reality of the situation, but “burying your head in the sand,” is also dangerous.
Stockdale also stated, “You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end – which you can never afford to lose – with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be …” In order to cope he developed some “survival” mechanisms – 100 pushups while shackled; he devised elaborate communication system with in the POW camp.
Viktor Frankl, who wrote Man’s Search for Meaning stated that prisoners within the Nazi concentration camps usually died around Christmas Time.
Here is a passage from his book regarding this thought:
“The death rate in the week between Christmas, 1944 and New Year’s, 1945, increased in camp beyond all previous experience. In his opinion, the explanation for this increase did not lie in the harder working conditions or the deterioration of our food supplies or a change of wealth or new epidemics. It was simply that the majority of the prisoners had lived in the native hope that they would be home again by Christmas. As the time drew near and there was no encouraging news, the prisoners lost courage and disappointment overcame them. This had a dangerous influence on their powers of resistance and a great number of them died.” Frankl developed a concept he called “tragic optimism,” a paradoxical idea that expresses an acknowledgement about your current difficulties intermixed with a positive belief that in the end you will still triumph.
I myself fell into this trap during Covid. I had this idea that the it would all be over by April when the warmer weather would diminish the effects of the disease. But then lock downs happened, which I was totally against. Now this wasn’t dire like being in a prisoner war camp, but I did feel like a caged animal. My optimism of “life getting back to normal” began to diminish with each passing day they kept things closed. How I coped was by refinishing the deck and just day by day getting a little further completed. I concentrated on what was in front of me, the little things that I could do to move forward in life.
I know the lock downs statistically did a lot of damage, from businesses closing, increases in child abuse and suicides. By closing down society people were cut off from loved ones and the things they loved to do. Separating people from community and family was very destructive. We should find ways to always stay connected.
I see this as something within the church too, which I am probably the most guilty. It is the difference between hope and faith. You go to a conference or listen to a Biblical teaching – “we are more than conquerors,” “believe for the best,” “we are healed,” and the speaker encourages you and causes you to walk out with tremendous “faith.” But it must be dosed with realistic expectations, along with some hard work, which is also usually required. Sometimes you have to crush fear.
It is important to dream, it is important to see a future. We love prophetic words about our future but it is needed also to be realistic. Your current situation may be miserable and feel hopeless, but don’t lose faith, your wildest dreams just might come true. As a chaplain in the jail, I would often ask them to think about where they see themselves in a year, two years, five years and ten. What would they need to do in order to see those dreams come true?
Here are some practical suggestions (I dare say we aren’t in that dire of circumstance of being a prisoner of war):
- I’m still alive and can help others survive
- What can I do to take some measure of control of my life?
- Remind myself of my true identity
- I have the assurance of the hope of resurrection and eternal life no matter what.
- The impossible is possible with God. Look for ways to grow your trust and confidence in Him.
- Look for what to do to see your dreams, your “faith” realized. What might I need to do in order to see my dreams fulfilled?
- What is my responsibility and what is God’s?